


Both Falling Bright

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Top Balthazar, experienced balthazar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 10:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7357426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desire isn't solely a human emotion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Both Falling Bright

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [一起坠入光明](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376475) by [cordeliadelayne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne), [InnocentDays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnocentDays/pseuds/InnocentDays)



> Set in Season 6. Originally posted to Livejournal in 2010.

He's going to have to pick a side. Again.

It's the inevitability of it all that gnaws at him the most. The blanket destiny wrapped around his Grace.

The Winchester brothers versus his own brothers. Earth versus Heaven.

Already, flittering between the two is wearing heavy on him. Made worse by Dean's complete lack of care. He _knows_ that humans are selfish, and that their small concerns take up all their concentration. Even fighting to stop the Apocalypse was boiled down to a petty squabble between brothers. But still, it stings a little and he can't help but let some of his annoyance bleed into his vessel's voice when he talks to them, even though he knows he's supposed to be better than that.

Despite Dean's words it would seem that he's still more human than he would like.

Frustrated, he soars as high as he can and then drops, without trying to slow his descent, until he is a hairsbreadth from the planet's surface. Then he calls forth his vessel and slides inside it, allowing himself a moment to readjust his vision. Each time he does so, the easier it gets.

Then he turns to his right, where Balthazar has patiently been waiting.

“You wanted to talk to me?” Castiel asks, voice icy.

Balthazar actually laughs, but Castiel has spent too much time with Dean for that to bother him now. Balthazar must sense as much, because he sobers and steps forward.

“Yes”.

Castiel waits. He _will_ not be the first one to speak.

Balthazar's smile grows wide and Castiel can't help the rebellious thought that it suits him, before he clamps down on himself.

“You _have_ grown stubborn,” Balthazar says. “It suits you.”

_”Balthazar.”_

“I wanted to check on you,” Balthazar says with a shrug. “To make sure that you are all right.”

“I'm perfectly fine.”

It's Balthazar's turn to look disapproving now. _”Castiel._ ”

Castiel's shoulders droop a little. “What would you have me say? Some of us are at war.”

“You don't have to be.” He holds up a hand to forestall the objection he can see Castiel is about to make. “You don't know that's why Father brought you back again. Not for certain.”

“He did it for a reason,” Castiel says. “And I cannot stand by and let Raphael take over Heaven. Not without a fight.”

Balthazar looks him up and down and then steps forward, pressing closer to Castiel than anyone has done in a very long time.

“Not everything has to be a fight.”

Before Castiel can respond, Balthazar is kissing him, one hand curled around the back of Castiel's head, keeping him in place. Balthazar pours as much as he can into the kiss and Castiel responds by opening himself to it, surprising them both.

But he's tired. Far more tired than he would ever let on to anyone else and Balthazar has always been an anchoring presence.

They pull apart eventually, panting despite neither of them needing to, because their connection to their vessels is suddenly much sharper, more desperate. Their eyes meet and Castiel gives a quick nod, which is all it takes for Balthazar to push him onto the ground.

“There are so many things I want to do to you, so many things I've learned,” Balthazar gasps, pulling at Castiel's shirt. “But right now...”

“Yes,” Castiel says. “Yes...” He reaches up and pulls Balthazar into another kiss, finding that he misses the purely physical sensation. Their human bodies may be frail, but they were _made_ for this and if Castiel is going to be punished for one selfish desire, he would rather it be this than any other.

Balthazar pulls at Castiel's trousers and his underwear and Castiel feels a moments anxiousness before it is gone, replaced by a warmth in his gut, and the feel of Balthazar's fingers pressing inside of him.

Castiel bucks in surprise and Balthazar grins at him.

“If you like that, you're going to love this.”

Castiel has no time to answer, no inclination either. Balthazar is pushing deep inside him and he has never felt anything so wondrous as this press of flesh. He automatically spreads his legs and bends his knees, and is rewarded by a grunt from Balthazar and then Balthazar's teeth, nibbling at his neck.

“Balthazar,” he groans, his hands scrabbling over Balthazar's back, not even sure what he is asking for.

But Balthazar seems to know exactly what Castiel wants, what he needs, and speeds up his thrusts, fingers and teeth grazing over every part of Castiel that they can reach. There is a confidence to his movements that Castiel envies and, he realises after a moment, he finds he is jealous of all the others Balthazar has done this with.

“You,” Balthazar pants, reading his mind, “only you. From this day on.”

It's a promise Castiel doesn't believe that Balthazar is capable of keeping, but he takes it anyway. Why not be selfish about that, too?

He presses up and kisses Balthazar, who adjusts his position with a smile against Castiel's lips. Castiel's groan is swallowed by the other angel as waves of pleasure flow through him. The strength he exerts in keeping his true form contained, in not letting it spill out and destroy the neighbouring forest, makes everything feel much more intense until every atom of his being feels like its only purpose is to feel pleasure.

Distantly Castiel hears Balthazar's cry as he empties himself inside of him, but it takes Castiel longer to come back to himself than he would have imagined. That is if he'd ever allowed himself to imagine such a thing.

Balthazar's kisses against his face are what eventually wakes him and he blinks lazily, unsure of what to say or do now.

“I know,” Balthazar says, moving off Castiel to lie down on his back, staring up at the sky and then over at Castiel. “My first time was like that, too. It's different for us. Humans can't begin to feel as we do, when we allow ourselves to feel at all.”

“It could become addictive,” Castiel says, shooting Balthazar a significant look.

“That it could,” Balthazar agrees.

“I have to go,” Castiel says after a few minutes, breaking into their companionable silence.

“Heaven?” Balthazar asks. Castiel doesn't quite meet his eyes. “Ah, no. The Winchesters then?”

Castiel nods. “They need me.”

“And what are you getting out of this relationship?”

“They're my friends,” Castiel says, sitting up. He knows that isn't an answer, he isn't sure if it's even true any more, but it's the only way he can explain why he keeps on going to them, and why it pains him when he doesn't answer their calls.

“I wish I thought you knew what you were doing.”

Surprised, Castiel turns towards him. “So do I,” he says with a small smile that Balthazar returns. “I'd feel a lot better if you returned the weapons you stole.”

Balthazar chuckles as Castiel dresses himself in the clumsy, human way.

“I'll think about it.”

Castiel nods. He recognises a futile argument when he sees one.

Balthazar grabs Castiel's arm as he moves to stand up. “You'll keep in touch.”

It isn't a question, and Castiel turns and kisses him for an answer. When he's on earth he tries to keep his presence as hidden as possible – partly to protect himself from Raphael and his followers, and partly so as not to inadvertently endanger Sam and Dean. But he'll let Balthazar find him now, no matter where he is.

Most of the time, at least.

He's not the angel he once was. His trust has been eroded too many times for him to believe that anyone's word is unimpeachable.

Balthazar sighs softly as he pulls away from their kiss, his fingers ghosting over Castiel's cheek.

“You're a better angel for it,” he says, and Castiel doesn't ask him to explain. Nor is he sure that it's the truth.

Instead he nods and plants a final kiss on Balthazar's forehead before soaring away, in search of the Winchesters. And burdened with another secret he has no one with whom to share.


End file.
